I made a small yet very intentional shift recently.
When I speak at conferences or lead workshops, I’ve started making a point of spending at least a little time talking about confidence (err, my lack thereof). Some speaking engagements lend themselves to this better than others — i.e., when I’m running a workshop on public speaking and pitching it comes up naturally, but when I’m giving a lecture on screenwriting not so much. Nevertheless, I make sure to bring up the embarrassing topic of my struggles with confidence anyway.
“Why the heck do you go out of your way to do this like an awkward weirdo?” you may ask.
Well, I do it because a magical thing always happens: at least half the people in front of me nod, and the other half suddenly look a whole lot more comfortable in their creaky banquet-hall chairs. In other words, every dang person in the place feels instantly more seen.
A lot more people struggle with confidence than we think.
I’m not saying everyone does, but waaaay more people have wobbly self-confidence than tend to openly admit it unless prompted by a weirdo like me. Thing is: it took a whole lot of scouring self-help books, second guessing everything, and psyching myself up to get me to the point where I feel comfortable (let alone worthy enough of) standing in front of crowds having these conversations. Why? Because for as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with damn-near-paralyzing imposter syndrome.
Imposter syndrome had a bit of a “moment” back in 2018 when Michelle Obama wrote about her personal battles with it in her memoir. But it’s been a minute since then, so here’s my unofficial definition for anyone unfamiliar with the term:
Imposter Syndrome (noun) — when you’re fully capable (and oftentimes overqualified), but perceive yourself as “not ready,” “not enough,” or feel like you’re constantly “faking it.”
Sound familiar? If so, the following books just might be for you.
My top 4 reads to boost confidence + my recommended reading order…
1. Playing Big by Tara Mohr — The hugest “aha!” takeaway for me from this book was the way it introduced me to the concept of “the inner critic.” I’d long felt like I had a harsh movie critic living rent-free in my head heckling me 24/7, but I thought this was just me — until Tara Mohr showed me it’s incredibly common. In other words, Playing Big made me feel a whole lot less alone and shifted the way I think about the root causes of imposter syndrome forever. This isn’t just a thought-leadership book full of theory, however — it’s also full of practical, actionable tips for overcoming self-doubt.
2. You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero — If “Playing Big” sounds too serious to you, start with this book. Jen Sincero writes in a really fun, humorous, and sometimes-swear-laced way. The book is easy to skim or flip through thanks to its short chapters and lots of subheadings throughout. Despite this deceptive ease-of-use, it is quite thoughtful and powerful. The main message at the book’s core: fierce self-love is the key to both happiness and professional success.
3. Presence by Amy Cuddy — This is the most academic-leaning book on the list, but Amy Cuddy writes in such an approachable way and shares such fascinating stories that it actually read like a page-turner to me. (Think: Malcolm Gladwell or Susan Cain in tone/style). From posture tips to mindset tricks, it’s full of practical tools for “showing up” in challenging moments with authenticity and power.
4. Like She Owns the Place by Cara Alwill — Written by a former MTV exec-turned-life-coach, I found this book to be a fun way to get a refresher on lots of the concepts from the other books on this list… But with a fresh, stylish spin on it. I particularly like her ideas on do-able ways to build local support groups of badass, ambitious women. Much like her pink hair on the book cover, it’s a bold reminder to live unapologetically.
PS: If you’re not quite in the mood for a book and want a really quick win, check out my free confidence-boosting scripts (a.k.a., a practical download you can use right away). xo, Jennifer
Photo by Elin Melaas via UnSplash.
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