I’ve said “rejection is redirection” into a microphone more times than I can count. And I truly believe it.
But recently I realized something important about this phrase:
It skips a step.
As a writer and public speaker, I encounter rejection a lot. I’m constantly putting myself out there to have my dreams squashed with a one-sentence rejection email or (worse!) absolutely no response at all, and it hurts like hell every time.
The Rejection I Tried to Cheerlead My Way Through
Three months ago, I applied to be a speaker at a giant national conference. I knew it was a “stretch goal,” but I psyched myself up to do it anyway — I refined my pitch more than I ever have, knocked on all the wooden surfaces in my house for luck, and hit send. I then immediately proceeded to do the only thing that prevents me from hiding out 24/7 in a dark blanket fort: I pushed all thoughts of this application from my mind.
Earlier this month, however, I realized the speaker-notification deadline had passed and I still hadn’t heard back. Translation: I’d been silently rejected…at least I think so???
The ambiguity of not quite having an answer, is annoying as all get out, but that’s neither here nor there.
What matters is that I proceeded to brush myself off and say lots of perky things to myself immediately in the aftermath of this disappointment…
“You tried, and that’s what matters.”
“You were so brave.”
“Rejection is redirection — rawr!”
How Positive Reframes Can Become Emotional Bypassing
Thing is: as I went about my days, I still felt the sting of rejection haunting me with its quiet, gnawing ache.
I could feel it lingering and begging me to see it — to name it.
This unceremonious, passive rejection had caused a real hurt inside me, and I was hurting myself even more by not acknowledging it.
So, I’ve decided that catchy little phrase about rejection needs a bit of a revamp…
Rejection can redirect you. But first:
It stings.
It disappoints.
It pokes at old insecurities.
And pretending it doesn’t hurt is not confidence. It’s emotional bypassing.
A Simple Ritual For Processing Rejection
The phrase “rejection is redirection” can still be insanely helpful when you need to psych yourself up to do something brave — but in those raw moments afterward when you’re dealing with the waiting game, 100 uncertainties, or outright rejection? That’s when we need self-kindness, space, and gentle processing time.
My new rejection-processing ritual:
- Set a 45-minute timer and journal about the ache. Why it helps: journaling lets you name what actually hurts, and a timer helps keep it contained.
- Take a 10-minute walk in the sunshine (or dance around to Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” on repeat). Why it helps: movement helps interrupt the tress loop by getting you out of your mind and into your body.
- Do one new forward action: list 5 new places to pitch, outline a fresh idea, or write a dreaded email (while eating your favorite Halo Top). Why it helps: one simple forward step gives you a sense of agency without demanding instant emotional recovery.
Courage Still Counts When the Answer Is No
You can absolutely still hype yourself up before “doing the thing.” But after? I encourage you to turn off the hype voice and tune into your true needs.
Better yet, pause and simply take a moment to celebrate every dang way you’ve dared bravely this year.
Courage counts… Even if the answer is no.
PS: Want a little extra support for the moments when rejection hits hard or imposter syndrome gets loud? Download my free self-talk scripts.
Photos by Jei Lee via UnSplash.
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